In meeting with various clients I have discovered that those who report negative self worth concerns do not "own" their self esteem. What I mean by this is that they gather self worth from the opinions of others. Someone tells them they look nice, they then believe they are attractive and feel good about themselves. However, when someone tells them they look bad, they then believe they are unattractive and feel terrible about themselves. Do you see the problem with this? They do not "own" their self esteem. They allow others to give it and take it away. A healthy self esteem is "owned". No one can give it or take it away from you. Sure, a positive comment will feel good and a negative comment may prick you, but if you "own" your self esteem, others cannot control what you think and feel about yourself.
Author: Heather N. Smith, M.Ed., LPC
Director of Reflections Counseling of Denton